(July 5, 2026) As reported here, the Trump Administration announced investigations of God and an as-yet unidentified woman known only as “Mother Nature.” Administration officials allege that God and Mother Nature, likely in cahoots with the Dumocrats (their word, not mine) disrupted and delayed the Great American State Fair and Trump’s speech. US Attorney Jeanine Pirro repeated her pledge to bring the matter before a DC Grand Jury, admonishing reporters not to mention the half-empty bottle of Chardonnay she was holding at the time.
In a new development, President Trump himself has now commented on the investigation, saying, “I don’t know anything about the investigation. That’s being handled by my people. I don’t want to say anything about God. I don’t like him saying ‘You shall have no other Gods before me,’ but I understand the sentiment. As for Mother Nature, we all know she’s a nasty, stupid woman. Have you noticed that she never smiles? Why don’t you smile, Mother Nature? It’s because you’re nasty.”
[Thanks to BJD for suggesting this follow-up.]