Here are some tidbits from a visit to the National Mall in Washington, DC

No Surprise There

Today, I visited the National Mall in DC to see the Trump-Epstein statue. Here’s what I saw:

A local TV news reporter and cameraman who were standing around (seemingly looking for someone more interesting to talk to than me) said that although the permit for the statue was not supposed to expire until Sunday, Park Service officials removed the statue this morning. (It’s Wednesday.) The reporter kindly pointed out to me that someone marked the spot where the statue had been with the words “They got a room.”

The statue’s disappearance is less surprising than the fact that someone–presumably a soon-to-be ex-employee of the Park Service–approved the permit in the first place. The statue was a form of First Amendment expression, and this Administration has made it clear, through words, threats, and deeds, that the First Amendment no longer protects expression that displeases the bloated orange dictator.

So the Trump-Epstein statue is gone. Unfortunately, for the swelling pumpkin man, the Epstein drama is not going away as quickly and easily as the statue did.

Soldiers on the Mall

Having not seen what I figured I wouldn’t see, I walked around the mall. (The joys of retired life.) There, I saw groups of National Guard soldiers, armed with long guns–no doubt for protection against the hordes of vicious squirrels who hang out on the mall.

We see groups of National Guard soldiers at random places around town.

Yesterday, I also saw a large group of FBI uniformed personnel gathering near one of the Gallery Place Metro entrances. (I am not sure what a group of FBI agents is called. Is it a “herd,” a “pride,” a “gaggle,” a “school,” a “flock,” a “murder”?) After a while, having apparently gotten their assignments, they headed out for some performative patrolling and harassing of the locals.

Finally, here’s what’s coming soon:

Trump to pave DC’s National Mall and bring in high-end retail; renaming also planned.

In an exciting development, President Trump is set to announce plans to pave the National Mall, bring in national chain stores, and rename the mall in honor of our “greatest President.”

According to Trump, “It’s supposed to be a mall, but there are no cell phone stores, no food courts, and no Macy’s, J.C. Penny’s or Nordstroms. You can’t even find an Auntie Ann’s pretzel shop! The ‘National Mall’ is dying. My executive order will turn this grass and dirt wasteland into the greatest mall in history. Many people have been asking me to do this. Everyone thinks this is a brilliant idea, and they all say that there is no one who could do it like I will. But people are begging me to make one other change. They say I should change the name because ‘National Mall’ is a terrible name. Nobody is going to come to shop at the ‘National Mall.’ So I asked them, what should I name it? I don’t want to name it after me, because so many great things already are named after me, but everyone is begging me to do just that. So we’re going to call it the ‘Trump National Mall.’ That has a nice to ring to it, doesn’t it? Very dignified. People will flock to it. We’ll move some of the memorials, which are very depressing and don’t belong in a mall. Then we’ll fill in the grass and dirt with very good concrete. It’ll be unlike anything anyone has ever seen.”