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Sarah Palin — A Fighter, Not A Quitter

July 7, 2009 in Humor, Politics by admin | Permalink

Today’s news is reporting that Sarah Palin is proclaiming that she is a ”not a quitter.  I am a fighter.”   Reading this in light of her having just quit as governor of Alaska brought a number of cultural touchstones to mind.  I was reminded, of course, of Alice in Wonderland.  Also springing to mind was Richard Nixon, who famously told David Frost that “when the President does it, that means it is not illegal.”  George Orwell’s criticisms of the abuse of language in “Politics and the English Language” and 1984 also sprang to mind.  And in Leviathan, Thomas Hobbes recognized that the ability of words to take on various meanings is itself a source of civil unrest, and so he sought to stabilize meanings through a positivist lexicon that would denude words of their power to incite action and violence.  But to associate Sarah Palin with the likes of Hobbes, Orwell, and even Nixon seems a bit much. Aren’t there some more apt cultural precursors to invoke? Why yes, there are.  My favorite lens through which to view Ms. Palin’s insistence that she’s actually a fighter, even though it appears that she’s just a quitter, is a verse in the Ballad of Brave Sir Robin from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  Here, with thanks to GuntherAnderson.com, are the words:  

Brave Sir Robin ran away – No!
Bravely ran away, away – I didn’t!
When danger reared its ugly head
He bravely turned his tail and fled – No!
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat
Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin

P.S. Sarah: If you want to sue me, e-mail me and I’ll send you the address for your process server.

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Michelle Obama in 2016

April 27, 2009 in Humor, Politics by admin | Permalink

Michelle Obama is an extraordinarily able person — bright, sensitive, politically savvy, and accomplished. She also has populist sensibilities and progressive political views that have made her a political and social force around the world. For these reasons, it is not surprising that buzz already has started about a possible run for the White House in 2020. I think this is ridiculous. She should run in 2016. If there’s one thing I have learned as the husband of a children’s education advocate, it’s the importance of continuity and stability for children. Malia and Sasha need the stability that 16 consecutive years in the White House would afford them. And heaven knows, we do, too. So let’s end this ridiculous talk of Michelle Obama running in 2020. Obama in 2016!

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But Your Posture’s Still Excellent

April 27, 2009 in Family, Humor by admin | Permalink

Talked on the phone with my Mom tonight. She is 80-something and pretty much blind. She has been complaining that she is shrinking and nothing in her multiple closets of clothes fits her. My sister took her shopping yesterday — an experience that can best be compared to leading an ill-tempered Mr. Magoo through a China shop (with the pieces of China being played by small children and elderly people). Mom told me that she couldn’t find a thing to buy. Nothing fit her because of her ever-receding stature.

In a vain and stupid attempt to make her feel better, I said, “Huh. But your posture is still excellent.”

Mom: “What?”

Me, a bit louder: “Your posture is still excellent.”

Mom: “What?”  

Louder still : “But your posture is fine.” (My wife, who is in the next room, starts laughing.)

Mom: “What?”  

Me: Your posture’s fine, but your hearing isn’t so hot.”

Mom:  ”You were just speaking too softly.”

A Lovely Toy

April 2, 2009 in Humor, Politics by admin | Permalink

Here is a great toy for those parents who regret having had children too late to have to explain the Village People. As the packaging indicates, this is a toy for children ages 4 and up. (It can’t be marketed to children under four, because it has small parts — an issue I won’t address at this juncture.) Imagine the hours of fun explaining this toy to your four-year-old. Is it a policeman and a bloodied demonstrator, or something else entirely? Is this just your usual globalization action-figure toy set? Or is there something more going on?  And if this is not just a toy depicting the travails of late capitalism, what are we tell our four-year-olds?

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My colonoscopy

March 16, 2009 in Humor by Adam | 1 comment

I just had my first colonoscopy. This is a rite of passage for many people of my age. Kind of the 50-year-old’s version of the Bar Mitzvah, except there’s no band and, instead, you get a camera up your butt. It’s actually a two-step process. Instead of spending months learning your Torah portion and writing some mindless drivel about it, you spend about 24 hours starving and have several rounds of a liquid that makes your colon clean enough to eat off of. (Note the use of a preposition to end the previous sentence. This is the “internets,” after all.) The liquid, by the way, is not nearly as putrid as all the whiners said it would be. Then you go to a nice place with nice people who give you very pleasant medicine to make you unconcerned about the anal probe you are about to experience. You then can watch the examination if you are so inclined, which I definitely was. It was like TV, only it was my colon. I thought the entire process was fascinating. I even liked the purge part, which was disgusting. Better than any fart or poop joke I could think of, because it was real and the sound effects couldn’t be beat (or imitated, except if you are in proximity to a sink with running water). The big dilemma for me was whether I should ever eat again. After all, I was so . . . clean. I am the kind of person who does not wear new clothes for weeks after I purchase them, because — well — they’re so clean! Could I foul my newly pristine colon with food? It was quite a head scratcher, until the nice people at the colon place presented me with a handful of Animal Crackers (after I completed my assigned gas-passing). There were bunnies and owls and all kinds of critter crackers I hadn’t remembered seeing before. Oh well. They were nothing that a few spoonfuls of Metamucil couldn’t fix. Yummy.

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