DC Encounters (1)

I was on the way home from the gym the other day when a woman on a bicycle swerved by me to enter the driveway of a building that I was passing. She saw me jump out of her way, and she stopped her bicycle a few feet away from me and asked, “Did you smell that?” Not having smelled anything unusual–and not being stupid–I shook my head.

Apropos of nothing at that point, she declared that various women in the neighborhood have butt implants and those woman are stinky. She said that they smell like a combination of dank old person and poop. (She mentioned a few other smells in the combination, but all I remember is the old person and poop aspects of her narrative.)

I said that I was aware of the smell of pot throughout the neighborhood and asked her if that might be what she was talking about.

“No,” she said, “I am going to be honest with you. I smoke weed. Do I smell like weed?” She then held her hand to her nose and held it out to me, so I dutifully went over and smelled her hand. “No,” I said, “I don’t smell anything. Are you saying the butt implants smell?”

“I’m not sure,” she said, “but I think it’s the implants and the women not being able to wipe themselves because their butts are so big now. You know, bad hygiene.”

“Wow,” I said. “Thanks for telling me.”

“Have a blessed day,” she replied.